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About The Team '03
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The Year Of Amir
Ask Amir!
Famed for once asking Jeeves to marry him, we decided that Amir is much more knowledgable than askjeeves.com, so, we're launching Ask Amir!, where you can ask him any question, within reason, and he'll be more than happy to answer!
Question:
I need help with a small problem. I am on a wanted list you see and cant stay in my hometown of Baghdad much longer because there are lots of people looking for me. I have already shaved off my legendary moustache to avoid capture. However, I was wondering if it is possible for me to gain asylum in Britain? I only want to enjoy the lovely British weather (honest) with a couple of my friends, Scud and anthrax. Would possibly sewing up my facial features help?
Amir Answered:
Well my man, I really dont think asylum in Britain is the answer. It's really not that nice a place. Why not just admit defeat and spend you life in a clean, well-managed prison cell. They even serve curry on a Friday, or so I've heard. And as for sewing up your facial features, sewing is never the answer! Although I have heard it has worked for one individual, it is never a good idea.
Anymore questions? e-mail me!
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Amir's Last Footie Review (of the season, anyway)
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In Manchester Tonight...
Footie season is OVER! well, the last game will be played Wednesday, which is the European Cup Final.
Juventus will be without influential playmaker Pavel Nedved, who is suspended after being sent off in the semi-final second-leg victory over Real Madrid.
Otherwise, coach Marcello Lippi has a full-strength squad.
Winger Mauro Camoranesi is the likely replacement for Nedved, although forward Marco Di Vaio could play in a deeper role.
Juve (probable): Gianluigi Buffon, Lilian Thuram, Ciro Ferrara, Paolo Montero, Alessandro Birindelli, Mauro Camoranesi, Edgar Davids, Alessio Tacchinardi, Gianluca Zambrotta, Alessandro Del Piero, David Trezeguet.
AC Milan coach Carlo Ancelotti will wait until Wednesday before deciding whether experienced defender Alessandro Costacurta will be fit.
Brazilian World Cup-winner Roque Junior and Croation international Dario Simic are the most likely replacements at right back if Costacurta does not recover from a calf injury.
Milan (probable): Dida, Alessandro Costacurta, Alessandro Nesta, Paolo Maldini, Kakha Kaladze, Gennaro Gattuso, Andrea Pirlo, Clarence Seedorf, Rui Costa, Andriy Shevchenko, Filippo Inzaghi.
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ALL NEW!
Amir's Weekly Gossip!
This Week = Dastardly Evil Touchy Feely
Hi, Amir here, and ive been spying on the locals of baldock once again, in my dads car as usual... this week, i wave ben shocked and appauled by the length some people would go just to get a feel of someone else, and to prove my point that North Hertforshires teenagers are sick minded, here, witness Harold Ward, and what he does to poor innocent people. By telling them that theres a magical kingdom the other side of the door, he tricks them into kneeling down and looking under the door, and the unsuspecting victim doesnt know hes kneeled in some conviently placed pile of glue.
As the victims realise too late, Harold has already started, and this phot was the cleanest we could show, for the act is unsuitable for anyone under the age of 21. tsk tsk tsk.....more next week.
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